Anger is acid

I couldn't eat when I'm angry..even when I try to calm myself a bit so I could eat nahhh! It's difficult with that kind of emotion, when I could have been appreciating the food and savoring the taste.

We were just about to eat binignit (filipino recipe cooked with gata, bananas, sweet potato, langka, gabi) yesterday when somebody burst into "fury" with someone who said something to her---This hasn't been a surprise to us (more like ordinary to me) who were watching and listening to their 'match'.

I could feel how their tension is building up, how they try to outdo the other..misery,misery,misery!!!

I wouldn't waste every moment getting sucked in to the drama. Acidic...

I'm not angry, hence, two bowls of binignit...

And the award goes to....

Totally Spies....congratulations!!!!......

As Drama washes over me..

I remain calm and I refused to be seduced by what is over…that's in addition to what the priest said from the last time's service that we can only live in the present moment….

I'm usually known to be a person who snaps back when being snapped at. And If that meant trouble, I can handle it face to face. Maybe when I was younger, I'd just break down or drown myself in pity. It's different now, somehow I have dealt with any kind of problem, conflicts, confrontation and by now no matter how this may seem endless I know how to handle it without consuming so much energy.

Anger is an uninvited guest , so the best thing to do is to play a bad host to an uninvited guest. And we have to control ourselves or else someone else will control us.

The obvious thing is, it's totally fruitless to be upset about things that are over or things that you're incapable of changing. Some people would really return to the past or use past reference to manipulate you as they choose.

I don't want a round-trip ticket to the past. I'm enjoying the present moment as it happens….

Getting facts before drawing a conclusion

In making personal decisions, I don't rely on other people's advice. I usually ask my hubby who can really give me some wise advices or my mother if it is some major decision. At work, it is wise to just trust your own judgment rather than listen to a secondhand opinion. I like to test it on my own so that when it fails, it's only me…I don't need to point fingers and things can get messy when you start pointing. I sometimes have more mistakes when I listen to others.

How do I make up my mind? I surround myself with information. I give myself time to understand the problem. If other people brings in their own opinion--- even if you didn't ask for it (and they even feel good after assuming they gave fail-proof advice) hah!, I look for distorted facts and think how twisted people can give such an advice. Hahahaha! Really, some can really be pushy with their advices. But unless you are really convinced how these people can help you, you can listen to them and make your own decisions. Right or wrong, you only have yourself to blame if the outcome is less than favorable.

Inner Debt

When I hear the word "inner debt" --I'm not sure if that's the right translation of "utang na loob", I may say that the person telling that-- must have thought he has done something gigantically for your benefit.

Well, let's just say that if a person is willing to help, he should not expect something in return. Do you help a person in the basis that he'll help you someday?

For example: Promotion - if someone is promoted it is based on his merits because the one who recommended him thinks that he can be an asset to an institution. That is normal support for the knowledge that if the person is promoted or hired it will benefit the institution .I think the concept of inner debt arises when the person expects repayment for EXTRA FAVORS and the person given favor will be bound forever to be thankful . There's the conflict because you cannot own others in your mind. Get rid of the illusion that just because someone work with or for somebody, that someone owe that somebody, something.

I only have one life and to let someone take control even if that someone thinks I owe anything to him IS REALLY FOOLISH.

Declaration of Independence

Sometimes I feel guilty about not being my true self. If there is one single thing that I hate is trying to conform with others, what they say, what they do, what they thought. Not that I'm such a very contradicting individual but I hate it when others try to wish I were like them, I mean I have a brain, nakakabit pa naman siya. Most people are lazy to think for themselves kaya they conform kaagad. I know of some weak people who decide to conform out of fear, so they just walk away. Hello, that's the worst thing that can happen, betraying yourself. And I'm not happy being brainwashed. I think for myself and that's why if something went wrong with my own decisions or choices, it's no big deal, I account for it not blaming anyone..that's why I laugh because I recall so many who likes to manipulate or advise but when things turn out unexpectedly they put the blame on someone else.

one word to say 2 u.....Coward!

Fishy!

..but the fish got hooked!

You swam against the flow. I smelled you, fish! I want to discard you right away, just like that dirty diaper full of poop! I just knew you have ambitious little streak on you. I’m not angry with what I uncovered but vigilant.

I just uncovered that someone is actually working against me. Oh, and that little ambitious streak is always out there like a loose canon. What do you say, make it a dog-eat-dog world! Oh yeah, count on me!

Busted drums

The elephant proudly offered me his understanding. I am hoping the he would get the point at last. Come on, read it over again! Seriously, I’m trying to be helpful so we won’t look stupid. The elephant paused and at last, he captured the whole point. Or so I thought.. Ok, shut up! It doesn’t end there because the elephant ask me to find out if his idea would actually come into place. And I felt really foolish as I realized what he was talking about… I disobeyed the elephant...

Bang the drum!

Ok, shut up! Sometimes I find myself in a daze. Do I know something that the elephant don’t know? Or it is just trying to avoid the way I interpret it because quite truthfully, it is the truth or elephant just wants to bang the drum? I think the elephant got excited so he had little time to reflect.

Tirador

My friend called me “Tirador” today. I agree. It’s my nature occasionally. I am often tactless as always I am honest with what I think and say. I don’t know how to say an honest truth without saying it bluntly. I cannot tolerate being in conformity with others. Maybe others would be offended if they don’t know me. Last week, I battled with a person who has this negative outlook in life. I can’t stand it everytime he includes “God” in the conversation and he has a habit of daily talking about his problems---can you imagine that? I mean, if God is in our life, we will never think about a single problem that is bothering us. God is in charge, right? Why would I be in misery—listening to that? I told him straightforward that maybe “he shouldn’t be cleaning rooms” but instead, a “mental cleaning” will help him a lot.

No hard feelings

I’m a person who tends to be unsympathetic to people I knew who made their lives miserable. I mean, call me unfair but that’s how I see and understand it. I don’t want to be in the company of miserable people. I always believed that I am responsible for whatever happens in my life. OF COURSE! I don’t blame other people if I’m sad or unhappy. That’s my entire fault. I run my life and it’s my show.

You know someone came up to me and asked if I could be nice and lend some money. Pagdating pa naman sa pera, it’s such a touchy subject. I’m not used to bothering other people to pay for my obligations and I hate begging at all. I always live within my means because I hate the thought of being in “debt”. There were times when I’m out of cash because I promise not to bring more than I need for the day. So one time, I asked hubby for money, we were going inside the mall and I wanted to be discreet about getting the money from him. Siya pa naman, laging hindi sinasadya na mag-open ng wallet tapos marami nakatingin. So I tell him, “Don’t make me feel like I’m begging”. I do that because even on an empty wallet, I need to stay positive; I can still think that there is abundance.

And so, going back to that touchy subject, I was surprised during the next days how that person tried to avoid me because she didn’t get what she wanted. Oh so touchy, touchy, touchy.

I wonder why people tend to sulk…and I got answers from this site. The reasons for sulking in many cases are: feeling oppressed, feeling ignored, feeling ashamed and feeling embarrassed.

What do you get for sulking? Nothing!

Just bad feelings!

Pssssst! Did you hear?

OK. I told myself that this is nonsense and that I won’t waste this glorious page talking about a jerk… mind you, an old jerk. You see, I’m the person who has the ability to just ignore people I don’t like, laugh at something insignificant and act like a deaf person. But since I’m not a saint, it’s impossible not to talk about it.

I know this person. And I used to think he was that respectable. Aba! Tsismosong matanda! I was at a burial yesterday when he just blurted out (as a means of getting noticed):

Tsismoso: Itong si jing2 may sikreto pala.
Me: Anong sikreto?
Tsismoso:  Kinasal na  pala si  “Joshua”? (Toinnk! Sino yun?)
Me: Ah, si Jerome. (my brother) Oo, kinasal na siya last August 20. Hindi naman yun sikreto ‘e.
Tsismoso: Yung dala-dala mo nun? (Drawing his hand to his side as if estimating the height of a person)
I protested at this instance because all the while, he was referring to my son, Justin who is still in high school.And I thought he knew about my brother's wedding.
Me: My God, ang bata-bata pa ni Justin. High school pa yun! Mali yung balita mo!

Then, I started to keep my distance because I was dismayed dahil mali yung mga sinasabi niya at tsismoso pala siya. And to think na di kami palaging nagkikita ay updated siya sa mga nangyayari sa aming buhay-buhay. Di ko malaman kung malisyoso o curious lang talaga o wala na siyang ibang juicy na storya.


I'm just going to write until this point because I'm becoming nasty and I just asked God to help me become a nice person. hahahahaha!